The words key adults say to children often have more of an impact than they realise perhaps.  The messages we give can often impact upon the way young people think.  My self-narrative, the voice in my head, certainly repeats some of the remarks made to me when I was a child, even if I am now aware that they are not necessarily accurate and I no longer need to listen to them.  Nonetheless, choosing a good sentence to say, particularly before or after a child plays sport, or before they take an assessment, or prior to them walking on stage, can be tricky as parents and teachers want to make sure they are saying the ‘right thing’.

So, what is the most powerful sentence we might say? Although I am not sure there is a single right answer to this question, one response is simply, “I’m proud of you”.  So, why do psychologists believe this is such a positive phrase?

– it reduces fear of failure and increases self-esteem
Children often fear failure and worry about letting their parents and teachers down. Therefore, we might try to utilise the phrase “I’m proud of you”, as it lets a child know that they will always have our support and will give them the confidence to try-out new strategies.  We would not be surprised that some research has shown that the use of sentences such as “I’m proud of you”, which displays our warmth and care, can increase a child’s self-esteem.  Having a high level of self-esteem is beneficial as it makes the child feel as though they are a valued individual and that others accept them for who they are.  This is very different from “You were so much better that Y”, which can lead some pupils to compare themselves to others unhealthily and have a propensity to value themselves only in comparison to others

– it reduces the risk of developing a fixed mind-set
Unlike, “I love you”, which we might argue does not need to be qualified; “I am proud of you” can be even more effective if it is made specific to a task or process. In one particular study,  researchers looked to investigate whether the type of praise a child is given has an impact on their mind-set and reaction to failure.  Children were given either ‘process’ or ‘person-centred’ praise.  Process praise focuses on the strategy the child is using and the effort they put in, for example “I’m proud of how hard you tried/the way you approached that task”, whereas person praise concentrates on natural ‘ability’ (over which children have little control e.g. “you’re so talented/clever”).

As a school, we are embedding this thinking in our feedback and marking, so that our praise is increasingly specific and seeking to generate elements of the pupils’ intellectual character.